WELL, FOR MY FIRST BLOG HERE, I THOUGHT I WOULD INTRODUCE MYSELF TO YOU GUYS OUT THERE BY DOING SOMETHING ALITTLE LESS SUBSTANCE AND MORE FOR THE LAUGH. THE LAUGH AT ME. FOR SOME REASON ALOT OF PEOPLE GET MORE OF A KICK OUT OF LAUGHING AT ME, THAN LAUGHING WITH ME. THANKS GUYS. SOMETHING THAT HAS COME UP WHEN I GET TO KNOW NEW PEOPLE IS THAT WHEN EVER MOVIES ARE MENTIONED, SOMEONE WHO I HAVE GONE TO THE MOVIES WITH WILL THROW OUT MY RULES AND USE THEM TO GET A QUICK LAUGH AT MY EXPENSE. AND THATS FINE...FOR NOW. BUT ONE DAY I'LL KNOCK YOU DOWN, POINT A GUN TO YOU FACE, LOOK AT THE CAMERA AND SAY IN AN ARNOLD Schwarzenegger VOICE, " NOW THE JOKE...IS ON YOU.", AND BLOW YOUR HEAD OFF. UNTIL THAT DAY COMES, I'LL TAKE YOUR RIDICULE. NOW WHAT ARE THE RAM MOVIE RULES? HOW DID THEY START? ETC? I WONT ANSWER ALL YOUR QUESTIONS, BEING THE FACT THAT THIS BLOG IS NOT INTERACTIVE. FUNNY THING IS, I ACTUALLY DONT REMEBER ALOT OF THE STORES THAT CAME WITH EACH RULE. I'LL DO THE BEST I CAN TO REMEMER.
NOW I AM KIND OF KNOWN TO BE A TAD OVER ZEALOUS ABOUT MOVIES. ASK CERTAIN FRIENDS, IT MAY BE MICHAEL BAY MOVIES, JOHN WOO, SPEILBERG, ETC. I JUST LOVE MOVIES, IS THAT REALLY SO WRONG? ANYWAY, AS AN AVID MOVIE GOER, THERE WERE THINGS I LEARNED FROM THE EXPERIENCE, SOME FROM JUST CREATIVITY, AND SOME FROM JUST SHEER STUPIDITY. BUT THEY ALL CAME TOGETHER TO FORM CAPTAIN PLANET...NO, WAIT, THE RULES, THE RULES. NOW LETS GET THIS STUFF OUT THERE SO YOU CAN DO IT.
GETTING TO MOVIE EARLY
I CAN NOT BEGIN TO TELL YOU HOW FRUSTRATING IT WAS AS A KID TO GET TO THE MOVIE THEATER LATE OR DURING PREVIEWS DUE TO MY PARENTS DRAGGING OUT OF THE HOUSE. I HATED MISSING SOMETHING THAT I MAY HAVE ENJOYED. UNFORTUNATELY, EVEN NOW, WHEN I GO TO A MOVIE WITH A FRIEND, I STILL DEPEND ON THEM TO GET TO THE THEATER AT THE SAME TIME AS I WOULD. AND IT DOES HAPPEN THAT THEY WILL GET TO THE THEATER FIVE MINUTES BEFORE THE MOVIE STARTS. THAT DRIVE ME MAD. ASK ANYONE WHO HAS EVER BEEN TO A MOVIE WITH ME. MY MOOD COMPLETELY CHANGES FROM HAPPY TO MAD. ITS LIKE I GET MOVIE BI-POLAR. IT SUCKS TO FIND A SEAT WHEN THE THEATER IS FULL OF PEOPLE ALL DUE TO YOU NOT GETTING THERE WHEN I SAID TO GO. I NEED TO BE THERE AT LEAST TWENTY TO THURTY MINUTES BEFORE THE MOVIE STARTS, I DONT CARE IF ITS MONDAY MORNING, I WILL BE THERE EARLY. IF THERE IS ONE CAR IN THE THEATER, I KNOW THAT GUY WILL TRY TO GET MY SEAT....AND IT'S ON!
PHONE USAGE IN THE THEATER IS LIFE THREATENING, YOUR LIFE
I KNOW I AM NOT THE ONLY ONE FEEL THAT A PHONE BEING USED DURING A MOVIE IS INCLINED TO GET THAT PERSON, SHOT, STABBED, RUN OVER, OR TAR AND FEATHERED. I HAVE MADE COMMENTS AND THEATS TO MULTIPLE PEOPLE. I HAVE MADE COMMENTS TO KIDS AND LOOKED AT THE PARENTS, LIKE, I WONT HIT YOUR KID, BUT BE ASSURED I'LL KNOCK YOU OUT IF YOUR KID DOESNT GET OF THAT PHONE!" AGAIN, IF YOU DONT BELIEVE ME, ASK PEOPLE WHO HAVE SEEN MOVIES WITH ME. TEXTING IS THE NEW BIG THING ABOUT THE THEATER PLEASURE THAT IS BEING SUCKED OUT OF GOING TO THE MOVIES. YEAH, I CAN HEAR YOU TALK, BUT HAVING A BEAM OF LIGHT COMING FROM YOUR HAND LIKE YOU ARE TRYING TO SIGNAL THAT YOU HAVE A CARNIVAL GOING ON IN YOUR POPCORN IS STILL NOT COOL. THAT WILL GET YOU CUT. SO YEAH, NO PHONES DURING MOVIE. NOW, SOME FRIENDS MAY EVEN SAY I GET UPSET IF THE PHONE IS USED DURING PREVIEWS, AND I SAY OK, I MAY HAVE ONCE OR TWICE HAVE GOTTEN UPSET FOR PHONE USAGE DURING PREVIEWS, AND I CAN DEAL WITH THAT.
GET PLENTY OF PAPER TOWELS
THIS ONE IS THE ONE THAT GET S THE MOST LAUGHS TOWARD ME, BUT IT IS ALSO THE SMARTEST THING THAT CAN BE DONE IF YOU BUY A LARGE BAG OF POPCORN. TRUST ME, I HAVE PAID FOR THAT RULE IN SPADES, COMING OUT OF THE THEATER LOOKING LIKE I PEED ON MYSELF. THE MOVIE WASNT THAT GOOD. I GET A BUNCH OF PAPER TOWELS, LIKE TWENTY, THEN PLACE TEN OR SO ON MY LAP, WHERE THE POPCORN WILL GO, THEN FIVE FOR AFTER THE EATING TO WIPE MY HANDS, AND THE REST, HERES WHERE THE LAUGH COME, I WEAR ALMOST, ALMOST LIKE A BIB, SO I DONT GET BUTTER ON MY SHIRT. I THINK THAT IS SMART. YOU SAVE YOURSELF THE HARDSHIP OF LOOKING LIKE YOU DROOLED AND PEED ON YOUR SHIRT AND PANTS.
SEATING ARRANGEMENTS
THIS RULE LASTED ABOUT A YEAR, MOSTLY BECAUSE I RARELY WENT WITH PEOPLE TO THE MOVIES. BUT WHEN I STARTED MAKING MOVIE BUDDIES, THIS RULE WENT BYE-BYE. A SEAT IN BETWEEN WAS THE RULE. I WOULD SIT ON A SEAT, WHETHER YOU WERE BOY OR GIRL, YOU WOULD SKIP A SEAT AND SIT ON THE NEXT ONE . THEN I WAS TOLD IT SOUNDED GAY BY GIRL/FRIENDS WHO WENT TO MOVIES WITH ME. SO I SAID OK, GIRLS CAN SIT NEXT TO ME. THEN A GUY FRIENDS JUST SAT NEXT TO ME BECAUSE THEY THOUGHT IT LOOKED WEIRD AND STUPID TO BE A SEAT APART TO SOMEONE YOU CAME WITH TO THE MOVIES SINCE YOU WANTED TO TALK TO THEM. SO THAT RULE WAS DUMB BUT STILL A RULE.
EATING PROTOCOL OF THE POPCORN
OK, NOW I GET MORE GRIEF THAN LAUGHS TO THIS ONE RULE, MOSTLY BECAUSE I ACTUALLY STILL APPLY IT. HERES THE RULE, WHEN I SIT DOWN WITH YOU, THE PERSON ACCOMPANYING ME TO THE MOVIE, YOU HAVE LITERALLY, UNTIL THE PREVIEWS START TO EAT POPCORN OR TO TAKE SOME POPCORN OUT AND PLACE IT ONTO YOUR PAPER TOWEL. ONCE THE PREVIEWS START, THEN, YOUR OPPORTUNITY FOR POPCORN CONSUMPTION IS AT AN END. I WILL START EATING THE POPCORN AT AN ALARMING PACE. I USE MY HAND AS A SCOOP AND DOWN THE POPCORN. TWENTY MINUTES INTO THE MOVIE, THE POPCORN IS GONE. ASK ANYONE WHO HAS BEEN TO A MOVIE WITH ME IF IM LYING, I CLEARLY AM NOT. AND REFILLS, WHEN AVALIABLE, ILL NOT BE USED UNTIL AFTER THE MOVIE IS OVER. WHO GETS UP DURING THE MOVIE TO GET A REFILL, THE MOVIE IS ON.
TALKING DURING THE MOVIE
UNACCEPTABLE! YOU CAN NOT TALK DURING THE MOVIE. AN OBSERVATION IS ALLOWED, BUT A CONVERSATION CAN NOT BE HAD DURING THE DURATION OF THE MOVIE. IF YOU TALK TO ME, FOR ANYTHING, YOU WILL NOTICE MY EYES DO NOT, FOR A SECOND, LEAVE FOCUS FROM THE SCREEN. I WILL NOT BLINK FOR MOST OF THE MOVIE.
NO KIDS MOVIES
THIS ONE IS ONE OF THE OLDER ONES, WHEN I THOUGHT OF GOING TO THE MOVIES TO SEE A KIDS FILM ALONE. I DIDNT WANT TO GO SEE A KIDS FILM ALONE, I FELT LIKE A PEDIPHILE. SO, I NEVER WENT TO KIDS MOVIES.
AS FAR AS I CAN THINK, THATS IT. IM SURE IM MISSING SOME, BUT I CAN THINK OF IT NOW. BUT THOSE ARE MY RULES. PRETTY MUCH ALL OF THEM WENT AWAY, BUT A FEW STILL COME AROUND EVERY NOW AND AGAIN. SURE YOU CAN LAUGH AT EM NOW, BUT YOU KNOW YOU WILL BE GRABBING ALOT OF PAPER TOWELS, EATING THE POPCORN AT PREVIEWS, ETC., WHEN YOU GO TO THE MOVIES. WELL, UNTIL NEXT TIME.
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